MEET ARTEM: A Skeptic Psych Ward Patient turned Heart-led Spiritual Explorer
Artem is a 27-year-old software engineer who came to America when he was just 20 years old. Struggling with suicidal ideation and severe depression, Artem has been on antidepressants for years and was in desperate need of a solution. After just 3 days of being out of the psych ward, Artem had his first ketamine session with the Ketamine lounge. Going onto his 6th session, Artem has seen massive success in the treatment of his depression, allowing him to taper off his SSRIs, decreasing his dose by over 30%. Further, through his Ketamine sessions, Artem has experienced a spiritual breakthrough, leaving his previous atheistic ideologies behind and embracing his new purpose-filled future. We sat down with Artem to take a look at how his transformation came about.
So, Artem, tell us where it all started.
I’ve been dealing with mental illness since I was 12 years old and felt I was sort of missing the meaning of my life. I came to America when I was 20, graduated college, and began working as a software engineer. I didn’t enjoy studying or working as an engineer and over those years, I made decisions that made sense socially but ignored my own desires. I'd been making all the “right” choices according to maintaining social status and money but I was miserable in my day-to-day life.
I was suffering from anxiety, paranoia, and panic attacks, so I started taking medication, which would make me feel numb and tired. I started living in a vicious, unhealthy cycle that doesn't lead anywhere. Even in times when I started to feel a hint of happiness, my mind would start racing or try to find something bad. I was at what I considered the peak of my depression when I admitted myself into a psych ward.
How did you hear about Ketamine?
After learning about my suicidal ideation, my husband became very concerned and decided to contact several psychiatrists he knew and they all suggested that I take a look into Ketamine Therapy
“I've heard about these sorts of new-generation treatments for depression, but I never thought that I would have access to them.”
Did you have any reservations about Ketamine?
I never heard about Ketamine Therapy before. I’d heard about these sorts of new-generation treatments for depression, but I never thought that I would have access to them. Naturally, I did some googling and learned about the advantages of Ketamine. From there, I decided I would try it. I didn’t really have any expectations (though my mom was terrified) and just three days after being out of the psych ward I was at the Ketamine Lounge about to get IV Ketamine for the first time.
How was your first experience with Ketamine?
Despite feeling initially hopeless and numb, the nurse was very positive which made me feel good. The space itself felt more like a lounge than a clinic, the chair was really nice, and as I became more settled, I started to become intrigued by how my experience was going to go.
“Different moments of my life would materialize and some wouldn't make much sense, but in these moments, I would get closure very quickly and intuitively.”
I began noticing that my mind would just begin to become more enhanced. The first few minutes I would go through several memories in my life. I began to feel my husband’s consciousness and have all kinds of dreamlike scenes. Different moments of my life would materialize and some wouldn't make much sense, but in these moments, I would get closure very quickly and intuitively.
What insights did you gain from that first experience?
Well, before Ketamine I believed there's absolutely no way that God exists. I was convinced that we’d all die and nothing would really happen. Afterward, the soul just ceases to exist. I believed that consciousness is a number of neurons in the brain structured in a certain way, and that the body is just a temporary shell. Yet, during the first session, I felt like I was enveloped in some sort of consciousness.
I began to understand that this consciousness, this soul, is the true thing – it's the actual life and that changed everything for me. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself and that I live for a purpose. Ketamine took me through that experience, not intellectually but spiritually.
I'm still not religious but my level of spiritual awareness has definitely changed. Currently, I’ve been reading different books about spirituality and learning the ways different nations think about it all. I guess I’m sort of spirituality exploring. I'm just open to different ideologies and it makes me feel good.
Were there any visuals that held significance in your Ketamine Journeys?
In my third session, I saw this infinite amount of gears, like the gears that would be inside a wristwatch. In the vision, they were all connected and one moved the other. I remember that I started “zooming in” so instead of seeing an infinite amount, I was seeing only a million and then a hundred thousand, and then ten thousand, and one thousand, and so on and so forth until I zoomed into one small gear.
I remember bringing my awareness to a little tooth of that gear and when I got clear on a certain point I realized that one little corner of that tooth from the gear was missing. It was the pixel. So, instead of what would be the color of the gear, it was just a black square hole. At that moment it occurred to me that whatever I am as a human– as a consciousness or a soul, I was supposed to fill that pixel with my own color. Suddenly, I felt this tremendous yearning and that yearning just filled me.
“The whole world that I was in was just swallowed in light and that was the most pleasant, beautiful, amazing feeling that I've ever felt.”
I realized that I wanna be part of that vision. I wanna be that pixel in that picture. More so, it’s interesting that it happened with gears because I’m seeing what looks like a small gear in this extremely large mechanism. It seems that such a small gear wouldn’t really do anything. If I were that gear, I wouldn’t really make any important decisions. It’s just a seemingly little part of that mechanism, so infinitely small that it’s basically nothing in the larger scheme of things.
I remember that vision as an interesting metaphor because I felt it was the ultimate goal of my life to be that missing piece. From there, I began reflecting on my consciousness itself. It felt like a new level of consciousness where I was conscious of my consciousness. It felt insanely spiritual, like there's no other way, but life with purpose. Now I live for a reason and choose things in accordance with that purpose. I realized in order to become a part of the picture, I would have to live according to that reason. For me, it meant that I decided to do things that make me happy.
How have these perspective shifts taken form in your day-to-day life?
Over the last few weeks of doing Ketamine, my life has changed. It hasn’t been changing very intentionally, but more so in a way that’s just natural. I’ve been a hermit most of my life and I realized that I actually love talking to people and enjoy socializing. My past self would be convinced that “people are boring” and I'd find myself more interested in reading books rather than talking to others. Since ketamine, I’ve gained new friends that I find interesting and whom I'm very excited to talk to.
I’ve begun to make decisions that are acceptable to me, not society. When I look back, I wonder why I studied engineering for all of those years. I hated it so much. I felt like before I was really unaware of my own decision-making process. Ketamine helped me understand that there are decisions I can take that are more aligned with the purpose of my life, to my reasons for living. If I go further from that purpose, I become less happy and more depressed. With Ketamine, I noticed that there is a spectrum to purpose and that it’s measured based on the number of impulses or inspired actions that are taken from the heart space – that we actually implement. In short, if I want to do something, I have to do it because I enjoy doing it and in doing so, it fuels my purpose of being alive which in turn, makes me happy.
These days, despite my entire life being a very, very late bird, I wake up at 6 in the morning. Truth be told, I hate waking up early. Still, I start with a bike ride to the yoga studio, I do yoga for an hour, I go to the ocean, and I meditate for hours. All these things I do just because I want to do them. So I would say as far as my day-to-day life and what’s changed, I just started living the day with true desire.
If you could describe Ketamine in one word, what would it be?
Purpose.
If you connected with the above write-up, are curious, and need some guidance, psychedelic medicines such as Ketamine can really support this process of healing, self-discovery, and purpose. Click below to find out more.
Author: Bre Jenkins
Bre Jenkins, a certified health coach, previously worked in mainstream wellness before shifting her focus to energy healing and psychedelic medicine to support deep healing and personal expansion. She is certified in Reiki levels 1, 2, and 3, as well as Inner Dance and Psychedelic Integration. Her work has been featured in major publications, and she is also a significant voice in the psychedelics space, contributing to renowned psychedelic companies such as Doubleblind Mag, Third Wave, The Ancestor Project, and more.